This Is What It Is....

Like it or leave it, this man is my life. There is NO way for anyone to understand what is there between him and I. There is NO way for anyone outside of this family to understand what is there between us.

We are a TRUE family. There are no conditions here. It's not a "I don't agree with what you're doing with your life so I'm going to be an asshole to you now". I may not agree with some of the decisions my family makes, but god damn it, they are MY family, and I love these crazy people UNCONDITIONALLY!! And that's why we will ALWAYS be a closer knit family than most. When it comes down to it, we stand together through it all, we've got each other's back, and will always support each other. That's what a REAL family does. It's like my cousin Jess says, we're the damn nails that holds this house together, and without us, you would be nothing more than just a pretty stack of wood.

It's just simple. You don't contact me and tell me what a loser my man is. You will NOT contact me simply to bad mouth the man that I consider my husband. I will NOT stand for that. I expect that you should be able to understand that. If I contacted you and told you what a loser or a liar, or how worthless your significant other is, I would expect you to react the same way if you felt even half of the love that I feel for this man. DO NOT tell me that I am going to need luck. If you think it's going to take LUCK to make a relationship work, you obviously do not have that great of a relationship yourself. Or you just don't understand what a relationship is all about.

I don't know how to put it to you any clearer. I love this man so much. You hurt him, you hurt me. Any pain that he's in, I feel just as much. This man is my life, and if he is going to have to face a loved one's death, you're damn sure I'm not sending him off to face it alone. I will be here, by his side to help him through this time. THAT'S why I had to come to Baltimore with him. It was NEVER about our money situation, because we are doing JUST fine, thank you. I don't believe he's had to call you AT ALL in the last 8 months to ask for money to help out with ANYTHING. And he was NOT asking you to pay for ME, I am fully capable of paying for myself, thank you! It was simply the timing of the situation. Again, it would have been nice for you to have gotten the whole story first instead of making snap judgments, you would have gotten that. Considering that we had just paid all our bills current and did not have enough cash at that very moment to purchase a ticket to come see someone that he cares very much about in what is their last moments, does NOT mean that we are financially struggling. That is NOT the case. It would have been nice if you could have understood that. It would have been nice if you could have understood WHY I wanted to be here for him during this trying time.

I see the pain in his eyes every single time he gets cut down by the very people that claim to love him SO much. I see the tears that he tries in vain to hide when he receives these emails and voice mails. I might not know anything about your relationship, but I know everything about the way that you make him feel. And I don't like it one bit. He may have "torn your heart out", but guess what? Children do that. It's our job as parent's to be the pillars that they need in their lives. And maybe, JUST MAYBE, if he has issues with relationships, it stems from what he was shown as a child. I think there are some people that have thrown words out there that need to take a long hard look in a mirror.

Trashing the two parents that have consistently stood by him NO MATTER what, really is not helping anyone's case in this matter. At least they had the decency to see through the lies and the deception and distance themselves from the person who instigated ALL, and I do mean ALL of this!! Kudos for you for choosing this woman over your own flesh and blood. I'm sure that it'll be a GREAT decision for you later on in life. While you were here being all weary of "yet another" relationship that he was in, the very people that you have consistently put down were reaching out to me and getting to know me and welcoming me into their family. I know that I'll never live up to the expectations and image of the woman that ripped his heart out, I wasn't the one that was selected for him to marry. He selected me on HIS OWN. I know it's hard to admit that you were wrong about someone, but honestly, there comes a time when one needs to swallow their damn pride and admit they were wrong. To ignore that fact and keep moving forward as if nothing was wrong is not only ignorant, it's inconsiderate to the victims. Namely, your son. For you to be completely oblivious to the pain that you've caused is him is not only disgusting, but it's just plain bad parenting.

As far as his little sister and his little brother, if he even HAS time to stop by now, which he will be doing without me, I distinctly remember him asking you to NOT tell them he was in town. Not only because he wanted to surprise them, but also just in case something happened and we were not given the time to come by. He has NEVER wanted to hurt his little brother or sister, and quite frankly, about the ONLY reason at this point that we would have stopped by would have been to see them. Remember, you've betrayed him by allowing that woman into your life.
That pain and betrayal that you're feeling now because we are staying with Dave and Marylou? Imagine THAT--only magnified immensely. That's what you've done to him by allowing that woman into your home and allowing her to parade that product of her infidelity through out his family. That child stands as nothing more than a constant reminder of what she did to him. Your refusal to acknowledge the pain that you've caused him is astonishing.

I refuse to acknowledge the comment about his infidelity. I have forgiven his transgression, and we have moved on, and we will be stronger for this. I'm well aware that this makes me a much bigger person than he is, as he was not able to forgive her for what she did to him. But quite frankly, he was MISERABLE with her. Why do you think he tried to commit suicide? Why do you think he was getting discharged from the military? Because he was away from his family? Not even close. He was simply MISERABLE with a woman who cut him down every opportunity that she got, controlled him the way a controlling husband would a wife, and was just a horrible person to him. Why do you think he doesn't come visit Baltimore more often? Why do you think he refuses to entertain even the idea of EVER moving back to this side of the country? Because every single time he comes here, he CANNOT get away from that woman. And now she's trying to go after him for child support for a child that she KNOWS is not his!! The audacity. I just WISH I could be here to see the look on her face when the paternity test results come back.

I may be dead to you. I'm fine with that. I was never alive to you to begin with. The simple fact that I have been a CONSTANT part of this man's life for the last 8 months, that he is an active part in my children's lives, that my children love him as much as they do, and for you to completely ignore our existence speaks in immense terms. The fact that your so willing to accept that child into your life as if your were it's biological grandparent, and not ever give a second thought to the 4 children in Alaska that were told SO much of their "Grandma" in Baltimore that they constantly ask if and when they are going to meet her, speaks SO much to me. I may be dead to you, but you will NEVER be a grandmother to these children that Joe and I love so dearly. You had a shot at 4 loving, wonderful, smart, and completely incredible grandchildren. That will NEVER happen now. I will make damn sure that the person who hurt their step-dad as much as this, NEVER gets the chance to hurt them.

I will say this. The simple fact that I am NOT sitting idly by watching all this happen from the sidelines should speak very LOUDLY to how much I love this man. I only hope that SOMEDAY you will be able to see that.

I'm very aware of Joe's history. I'm well aware of his relationship history. Honestly, I don't feel the need to judge ANYONE, as that is NOT my job, it's a job that only ONE person can do, and that would be GOD. No one has the right to judge or place judgment on anyone. If God has the capacity to forgive and love in the way that he does, than so do I. I am so thankful that we have such a great community church that we can turn to at this time.

I'm sorry that things had to get this ugly. I'm very sorry that Joe has to go through the pain that he's going through. I wish that things could have been better. Unfortunately that's not that path some people have chosen to take. Insisting that I not come with him to Baltimore would have been the first step. Not being able to understand why I would want to come and stand beside the person I love when a family member of his is dying. Maybe someday you'll be able to understand that. Maybe one day when you'll have to face the pain of someone you care about passing away and you want your spouse to be there with you because you're not quite sure if you're going to be able to handle it on your own. Maybe then you'll be able to understand. As I stated before, there was never a question of you paying for ME. I HAD my ticket. And thankfully MY parents have been completely open and understanding, and despite ALL the times that they have had to help me out throughout my life, ALL the times that they have supported me in my life, and yes, despite ALL the times that I have hurt my parents, they were MORE than willing to get the second ticket for Joe WITHOUT hesitation.

I will close with this. Next week you will be receiving an envelope with the $300 that you so "willingly" paid for whatever girl to see him graduate. If there's any OTHER money that's owed that you feel you desperately need back, please, let me know. I'll make sure that you get it back. Lord knows, we really don't need THAT handing over our heads any longer.