Updates

I didn't want to let a whole month go by without posting on here, leaving people hanging.

I've pretty much decided that I'm walking away from that whole situation that was going on. I have more pressing matters to tend to, namely my family. I've said my peace, and I'll always be here to support the man who is going to be my husband. But I'm done with the ugliness. It's too much right now, and besides, I'm not particularly fond of drama.

I have managed to finish up what turned out to be the SHORTEST custody dispute to date. We had one court appearance to make, and thankfully we managed to come to a complete agreement about the custody situation before we even walked in. The judge even commended us on how well we've handled ourselves and how well we've managed to put what is best for the children in front of our differences. That was a good weight taken off of my shoulders.

But, alas, it was not meant to stay that way. As it never is in my life.

LeeAnna, my wonderful, beautiful, intelligent daughter that is growing up so damn fast, has recently discovered a darker side to being in this family genetically. All of the women on my side of the family have battled depression their whole lifes, and now she knows what it means to be depressed. She knows there's something wrong, and that it's not healthy, and that would be why she reached out for help. It kills me that she couldn't reach out to me, that I couldn't be the one to help her through this, but at the same time, the rational, intelligent side of me understands why. I'm her sole surviving parent, she wants so desperately for me to be happy, to be proud, and to approve of her decisions, that the thought of turning to me when she's feeling like this, when even she doesn't understand what's going on, is difficult if not damn near impossible for her to even consider. I hate leaving her there in that hospital, walking away from her each night, I feel so helpless, and I want so desperately to get her home, where she belongs. But I hold onto the hope that this is going to be the best decision for her mental health. I hope that she manages to take from this program what is intended to be taken. I hope she learns what it is she needs to learn, and understands that it's not her fault, and there is nothing to be ashamed of. I love her so much!

Blah. I think I'm going to close on that and come back to it later.

My Final Word On The Subject

I have a few reactions to some of the things that have been said. Then I'm done with ALL of this for good, and I will be writing more about happier topics and more of the day to day stuff.

"I don't understand what the issue is with MaryLou and Joey and Tammy and all of them. Joe wanted a divorce - he said so. How could you have served Joe here at my house when he HAS NOT STEPPED FOOT INTO IT SINCE HE GOT IN FROM ALASKA!!!???"

The problem here is that you DON'T understand what you've done to your son, and that's the problem! Yes, he wanted a divorce, and he was MORE than willing to work on this with her. However, he was NOT willing to accept ALL of the debt from the marriage and let her get off free without having to take some of it. WE offered on NUMEROUS occasions to take on the FULL debt of the car which would have been MORE than half of the debt alone. Due to her lack of communication (We called her with the offer, told her that she had a WEEK to make a decision and get back to us, and suddenly we didn't hear from her for over a month!!), that was not possible. She would have had to sign some papers and send them back to us, and it would have been done! Instead, she decided to call Joe's phone at 3 or 4 in the morning and wonder why he wouldn't answer the phone. I can't even count how many times we have been woken up in the middle of the night by her calls. Or calling him at work and SCREAMING at him about shit. That's just plain disrespectful. But then again, from all I've seen, that's apparently the norm. She could have just as easily sent the paperwork to us in Alaska, as she has had our address since he moved in back in MARCH!! I've been next to him on numerous occasions when he gave her our address. If she says otherwise, it's a damn lie amongst SO many.


"Joe is pissed off at me because I would not give him money yet again to pay for another girlfriend to fly somewhere, and then apparently has told her how John and I hate her withour our ever meeting her. You know, that I've told you that if she is his choice and he is happy, then so be it. I WAS NOT GOING TO WALK AWAY FROM YOU AND THE BABY!!! I was not going to treat her like he was treated by his paternal grandmother growing up. I guess he just can't deal with that."

He's NOT pissed that you refused to pay for HIM!! Again, he NEVER asked you to pay for me. I had MY ticket. He never told me that you hated me. He explained that what you said was that you would feel more comfortable if he came here without me. There was never a conversation about the two of us coming here "when our money situation is better." Our money situation is fine! As I've stated before, he hasn't had to call you AT ALL in the last 8 months for ANYTHING. And there's a difference between the way that Joe was treated by his paternal grandparents and her baby. THAT KID IS NOT HIS!!!! There are NO BIOLOGICAL ties there!! So yeah, you're damn right when you say that he can't deal with that!!


"I know from the e-mail he sent to John that he believes we were somehow involved with your serving him the papers. Little does he know that we just found out about it. Even if we had known, how could we have told him when he refuses to answer our calls. I am sick and tired of his self-serving behavior. I'd tell him this in person if he were man enough to call me back."

He made the comment that IF YOU KNEW, a little heads up would have been nice. And considering the amount of awful voice-mails you left on his phone , maybe you could have left something to that effect as well. His self-serving behavior? Remember who raised him! For someone who made their own child pay for his way into Hershey Park but was SO willing to pay for her boyfriend, I say that would explain a LOT. And his not calling you back is NOT a matter of his being a man or not It's his decision to not speak with someone who has been SO ugly through all of this, not just to him, but to everyone in general.


"If MaryLou has a problem with the way I am handling Joe, she should contact me directly and not hide behind MySpace. I love the way she state she "stands behind him" when I believe not even a year ago he was upset over how she had posted a comment on this very page thanking you for being such a part of his brothers' lives. Funny how things change when he sucking up to her... I am tired of being made the villian everytime I don't agree with him."

Of course Marylou has a problem with the way your handling this whole situation. You've shown nothing more than simple jealousy over the fact that we are staying here in their house instead of being controlled in yours. And you know what, she DOES stand behind him!! A hell of a lot more than you claim to. This woman and her husband, who I am VERY proud to say that I am a member of their family, have shown absolutely NOTHING BUT compassion and love and protection for the BOTH of us. These two people have been absolutely wonderful through ALL of this! And yes, she may have left that comment on her page, but you know what? The motive behind that was to get a rise out of Joe so he would contact her. Which honestly, now that he's an adult and can make decisions for himself, is NONE of your business. You're only being made the villain in all of this is because YOU have put yourself in this position. I can play back the voice-mails that you left on his phone, if you like! Maybe if you heard yourself saying the things that you said to him, THEN maybe you'd understand. Maybe you should go back and re-read everything that you've written to me about him.

"I have been behind him through more fuckups in his life, but becuase I did not send him $400 he desides to shit on me. I believe I am done with this. Sorry to dump this on your page, but since I somehow doubt he'd let me on his, I'm hoping he'll see this, or maybe his "mommy" MaryLou will tell him about it. JoeMamma no more - out."

If you had truly been behind him throughout all of his screw ups, you would not take every single opportunity to throw them back up in his face and reopen those scars. There's such a thing as letting it go. I think you could learn a very valuable lesson from that. And again, let me clarify here, it's NOT because you wouldn't send him the $400. It's the way, the words, and the approach that you took in the moment. You're failure to understand that he wanted the ONLY person that has managed SO successfully to prevent him from falling into any kind of depression and helps him manage these stress induced seizures of his under control with him through all of this. Your failure to recognize that he needs the ONE person who seems to love him absolutely UNCONDITIONALLY by his side through all of this crap, is the reason he's acted the way he has. Marylou has definitely acted like FAR more of mom to Joe than you have. And you have pretty much sealed the deal when you said "JoeMamma no more". You're absolutely right when you say "out". Because that is exactly what you are when it comes to our lives now. Out.

"1) Marylou has a telephone, right?"

Yes, she has a phone. But we DID not come into town for a simple visit or a fun vacation. I just don't understand why you people DON'T get this simple fact.

"2) If Wendy was willing to come down to Washington to pick you up, don't you think she would have come to get you guys at David's?"

Maybe if you had made us seem like we were WELCOME here, the thought would have crossed our minds to have you come pick us up. But since you made us feel SO comfortable and SO welcome here, the thought never really crossed our minds to "inconvenience" you with having to come pick us up and then bring us back.

"3) How was I to call you (while you were in Alaska)? When you called me from Tammy's was the first number I've had for you on my phone."

I do believe that your wife has ALL of our phone numbers!! You could have communicated with your wife and got the numbers to call us. We've given the phone numbers on numerous occasions, and he's called you on numerous occasions. If you didn't have the presence of mind to save his phone number, that's on you.

"4) You are living a new life with and in a new relationship. Why is getting the divorce papers so horrible? How else was she supposed to get them to you since you refused to call her and she doesn't know where you live? I would imagine you would be happy that you are getting closure on this part of your life."

It wasn't SO horrible to get the divorce papers, it WAS however so horrible to see that she pretty much lied on the whole thing. She accused HIM of being the one that committed adultery, and that HE was the one that abandoned HER, that the child is HIS, that he needs to pay child support and her legal fees. She could have sent them to our address in Alaska, as she has NOT only our home address but also his work address as well.

"Do we think you are the whole problem with your marriage with Erna? No. What she did was wrong.

Did we misinterpret Tuesday night? Sounds like we did--but a phone call would have gone a long way to clear things up.

Regarding Erna being a part of our life -- in many ways she's been a part of our life since you started high school. She's close to all of us. Does that mean we hate you or Tammy? No. Does that mean we throw out everything you say? No. Does it mean that Erna and Erika are a part of our lives. Yes.

Regarding the divorce papers -- we found out about them Halloween night. But, to be honest, this was the only chance she had to get this closure in your relationship started. She didn't have any other means of getting this started as you have refused to answer her calls or tell her where you were. The whole situation sucks--I think we'd all agree. But I think you are both ready to move on in your lives... and to do that you need this closure. Shoot, you've already moved into another family and established a new home. You should be happy to finalize your relationship with Erna. BTW--Erna didn't want anything from you... at all... but she said that her lawyer said that in Maryland that's the law. Like you, she's ready for your marriage to be over. The thing she's struggling with is the debt that was laid solely on her."

Maybe you should get the WHOLE story from her. Because she obviously has NOT given you the whole story. This was NOT the only chance she had to get this closure, has she bothered to mention ALL the times that we have tried to contact her to get this done? Has she bothered to mention how many times we have tried desperately to reach a settlement with her, because I doubt it. He has BEEN ready for this marriage to be over and done with far longer than she has. Every single time we turn around she's popping up with some new excuse to why it can't get done. We've offered to take more than half of the debt, which would have been the car. Her plans to report it as stolen so he gets arrested is just ridiculous. I've been told by MANY of the people that she constantly nags for information on what he's doing, where he's going, and pretty much ANY information she can get that that has been her plan for awhile now. This is the person that you have decided to keep in your lives and hurt your own child.

"I truly hope you can break your relationship pattern with Tammy so that things can work out for the two of you. It sounds like you really enjoy her and her kids. And she's got to be a trooper to take you back after what you did with her friend. Like we told you when you changed relationships with Amanda, Kari, Erna, the gal in Homer, and now Tammy all we want is for you to be happy. My only suggestion to the two of you is to get a counselor so that you can work through things that come up. I know that I've found counseling to be helpful in my life and you know the family counseling we had was a great help to us all."

I am SO sick of hearing how bad of person he is. He's had what? 5 relationships in his life? How is that SO awful? He's 24 years old. I know MANY people that have had FAR more relationships than that and their younger!! He never got some girl pregnant while he was in high school, he never did drugs, he graduated from high school, he went to college, he was in the air force, and just plain simply one of THE most wonderful person that I've ever met. For you to sit here and bash him the way that you have, for you to say the awful things about him the way that you have, for you to make him out to be some AWFUL person, is just plain pathetic. It's a true testament to the fact that you are so completely upset that you CANNOT control his life anymore!! You will have to accept the fact that he is a grown MAN, not a little boy any longer.

I'm SO angry at the way this man has been treated. There is NO justification for what he's had to go through. If you only knew the person that he's become, if you could only see the way he is in our home, if you could see how him and the kids are with each other, if you actually KNEW who he is, you would have to eat your damn words. At this point, I don't really care how ANY of you feel about ME. I've never been a part of your lives, and I'm fine to stay that way. I have my own family, a family that does NOT judge based on mistakes, understands that we are all HUMAN and that yes, surprisingly we're not all perfect little creatures. And it's a family that has openly accepted this man into their lives without question, simply because he loves me, and I love him. Hate me all you want. But please, for the love of God, please stop treating him like shit. He DOES NOT deserve this!! Just please stop with all the disgust and anger towards him. You are tearing him apart and I just CANNOT sit back and watch this happen any longer.

This Is What It Is....

Like it or leave it, this man is my life. There is NO way for anyone to understand what is there between him and I. There is NO way for anyone outside of this family to understand what is there between us.

We are a TRUE family. There are no conditions here. It's not a "I don't agree with what you're doing with your life so I'm going to be an asshole to you now". I may not agree with some of the decisions my family makes, but god damn it, they are MY family, and I love these crazy people UNCONDITIONALLY!! And that's why we will ALWAYS be a closer knit family than most. When it comes down to it, we stand together through it all, we've got each other's back, and will always support each other. That's what a REAL family does. It's like my cousin Jess says, we're the damn nails that holds this house together, and without us, you would be nothing more than just a pretty stack of wood.

It's just simple. You don't contact me and tell me what a loser my man is. You will NOT contact me simply to bad mouth the man that I consider my husband. I will NOT stand for that. I expect that you should be able to understand that. If I contacted you and told you what a loser or a liar, or how worthless your significant other is, I would expect you to react the same way if you felt even half of the love that I feel for this man. DO NOT tell me that I am going to need luck. If you think it's going to take LUCK to make a relationship work, you obviously do not have that great of a relationship yourself. Or you just don't understand what a relationship is all about.

I don't know how to put it to you any clearer. I love this man so much. You hurt him, you hurt me. Any pain that he's in, I feel just as much. This man is my life, and if he is going to have to face a loved one's death, you're damn sure I'm not sending him off to face it alone. I will be here, by his side to help him through this time. THAT'S why I had to come to Baltimore with him. It was NEVER about our money situation, because we are doing JUST fine, thank you. I don't believe he's had to call you AT ALL in the last 8 months to ask for money to help out with ANYTHING. And he was NOT asking you to pay for ME, I am fully capable of paying for myself, thank you! It was simply the timing of the situation. Again, it would have been nice for you to have gotten the whole story first instead of making snap judgments, you would have gotten that. Considering that we had just paid all our bills current and did not have enough cash at that very moment to purchase a ticket to come see someone that he cares very much about in what is their last moments, does NOT mean that we are financially struggling. That is NOT the case. It would have been nice if you could have understood that. It would have been nice if you could have understood WHY I wanted to be here for him during this trying time.

I see the pain in his eyes every single time he gets cut down by the very people that claim to love him SO much. I see the tears that he tries in vain to hide when he receives these emails and voice mails. I might not know anything about your relationship, but I know everything about the way that you make him feel. And I don't like it one bit. He may have "torn your heart out", but guess what? Children do that. It's our job as parent's to be the pillars that they need in their lives. And maybe, JUST MAYBE, if he has issues with relationships, it stems from what he was shown as a child. I think there are some people that have thrown words out there that need to take a long hard look in a mirror.

Trashing the two parents that have consistently stood by him NO MATTER what, really is not helping anyone's case in this matter. At least they had the decency to see through the lies and the deception and distance themselves from the person who instigated ALL, and I do mean ALL of this!! Kudos for you for choosing this woman over your own flesh and blood. I'm sure that it'll be a GREAT decision for you later on in life. While you were here being all weary of "yet another" relationship that he was in, the very people that you have consistently put down were reaching out to me and getting to know me and welcoming me into their family. I know that I'll never live up to the expectations and image of the woman that ripped his heart out, I wasn't the one that was selected for him to marry. He selected me on HIS OWN. I know it's hard to admit that you were wrong about someone, but honestly, there comes a time when one needs to swallow their damn pride and admit they were wrong. To ignore that fact and keep moving forward as if nothing was wrong is not only ignorant, it's inconsiderate to the victims. Namely, your son. For you to be completely oblivious to the pain that you've caused is him is not only disgusting, but it's just plain bad parenting.

As far as his little sister and his little brother, if he even HAS time to stop by now, which he will be doing without me, I distinctly remember him asking you to NOT tell them he was in town. Not only because he wanted to surprise them, but also just in case something happened and we were not given the time to come by. He has NEVER wanted to hurt his little brother or sister, and quite frankly, about the ONLY reason at this point that we would have stopped by would have been to see them. Remember, you've betrayed him by allowing that woman into your life.
That pain and betrayal that you're feeling now because we are staying with Dave and Marylou? Imagine THAT--only magnified immensely. That's what you've done to him by allowing that woman into your home and allowing her to parade that product of her infidelity through out his family. That child stands as nothing more than a constant reminder of what she did to him. Your refusal to acknowledge the pain that you've caused him is astonishing.

I refuse to acknowledge the comment about his infidelity. I have forgiven his transgression, and we have moved on, and we will be stronger for this. I'm well aware that this makes me a much bigger person than he is, as he was not able to forgive her for what she did to him. But quite frankly, he was MISERABLE with her. Why do you think he tried to commit suicide? Why do you think he was getting discharged from the military? Because he was away from his family? Not even close. He was simply MISERABLE with a woman who cut him down every opportunity that she got, controlled him the way a controlling husband would a wife, and was just a horrible person to him. Why do you think he doesn't come visit Baltimore more often? Why do you think he refuses to entertain even the idea of EVER moving back to this side of the country? Because every single time he comes here, he CANNOT get away from that woman. And now she's trying to go after him for child support for a child that she KNOWS is not his!! The audacity. I just WISH I could be here to see the look on her face when the paternity test results come back.

I may be dead to you. I'm fine with that. I was never alive to you to begin with. The simple fact that I have been a CONSTANT part of this man's life for the last 8 months, that he is an active part in my children's lives, that my children love him as much as they do, and for you to completely ignore our existence speaks in immense terms. The fact that your so willing to accept that child into your life as if your were it's biological grandparent, and not ever give a second thought to the 4 children in Alaska that were told SO much of their "Grandma" in Baltimore that they constantly ask if and when they are going to meet her, speaks SO much to me. I may be dead to you, but you will NEVER be a grandmother to these children that Joe and I love so dearly. You had a shot at 4 loving, wonderful, smart, and completely incredible grandchildren. That will NEVER happen now. I will make damn sure that the person who hurt their step-dad as much as this, NEVER gets the chance to hurt them.

I will say this. The simple fact that I am NOT sitting idly by watching all this happen from the sidelines should speak very LOUDLY to how much I love this man. I only hope that SOMEDAY you will be able to see that.

I'm very aware of Joe's history. I'm well aware of his relationship history. Honestly, I don't feel the need to judge ANYONE, as that is NOT my job, it's a job that only ONE person can do, and that would be GOD. No one has the right to judge or place judgment on anyone. If God has the capacity to forgive and love in the way that he does, than so do I. I am so thankful that we have such a great community church that we can turn to at this time.

I'm sorry that things had to get this ugly. I'm very sorry that Joe has to go through the pain that he's going through. I wish that things could have been better. Unfortunately that's not that path some people have chosen to take. Insisting that I not come with him to Baltimore would have been the first step. Not being able to understand why I would want to come and stand beside the person I love when a family member of his is dying. Maybe someday you'll be able to understand that. Maybe one day when you'll have to face the pain of someone you care about passing away and you want your spouse to be there with you because you're not quite sure if you're going to be able to handle it on your own. Maybe then you'll be able to understand. As I stated before, there was never a question of you paying for ME. I HAD my ticket. And thankfully MY parents have been completely open and understanding, and despite ALL the times that they have had to help me out throughout my life, ALL the times that they have supported me in my life, and yes, despite ALL the times that I have hurt my parents, they were MORE than willing to get the second ticket for Joe WITHOUT hesitation.

I will close with this. Next week you will be receiving an envelope with the $300 that you so "willingly" paid for whatever girl to see him graduate. If there's any OTHER money that's owed that you feel you desperately need back, please, let me know. I'll make sure that you get it back. Lord knows, we really don't need THAT handing over our heads any longer.

Another Drama In My Life That Was Unasked For...

For those of you out there reading this, I just want to say. When you shit on your own child, you can't expect them to come running back for more.

I was well aware of the plan to come over on Tuesday, however, if you had the whole story before making a judgment call and deeply wounding the very person that you claim to love so much, maybe you wouldn't have made such asses of yourselves. We've been stranded in this home since Monday night due to the serpentine belt on the car that we were using going out on Tuesday morning. If either one of had had the sense of mind to remember to pack our cell phone chargers in our luggage before our hurried trip to Baltimore, maybe the cell phone wouldn't have died and he would have been able to receive your calls, called you back, or even heard the voice mails before you had to make it ugly.

You're decision to turn your back on the son that you claim to love so deeply, to take sides with the woman who ripped his heart out of his chest and has shown absolutely NO remorse for it, for not understanding why he couldn't bring himself to look that child in the face every single day and be reminded of the infidelity that was committed against him, to refuse to understand why he would not want to spend the rest of his life with someone that he was so miserable with, and to turn your back on his happiness, that is YOUR decision. If you can't understand that life is exactly what happens when you're busy making plans, that's YOUR choice. However, do NOT hold it against him when he decides that he doesn't want that conniving, sneaky, two-faced, little whore in his life. Or that child. That is HIS decision, and it's HIS life. Hate it as much as you want, you CANNOT and WILL NOT control his life ANYMORE!

You're job as a parent, as a REAL, LOVING, and TRUE parent, is to be there for your child. Not the person that hurt them SO deeply. And that's the path that YOU have chosen to take. You are solely responsible for the wedge that has been driven in between you and this wonderful man.

If you can't accept the fact that he has moved on, the fact that he is far happier now than he EVER has been in his life, that's your problem and I pity you. I just can't understand how you can not only turn your back on your own child, but how you could drive such a deep knife into his back at the same time. As a mother, I will NEVER do that to my child. Your decision to keep that woman and the product of her infidelity in your life on such an active basis is your own decision. But just know that you have now hurt this man deeper than she could have ever hurt him. He's your own flesh and blood. That's just sick.

I don't even know what else to say to you. Other than to let you know that you have personally caused his very first stress induced seizure of this trip. Congratulations. I hope that you're all VERY happy with yourselves.

I love this man more than I've ever experienced in my life, and for you to react and say everything that you've said, it honestly turns my stomach. I will be here for him as I have been so far, and I will always continue to be here for him. Not just when it's convenient for you. This is the man that I have waited for SO long to come into my life, and like it or leave it, with or without your blessing, we will be getting married when all is said and done. Don't expect an invitation.

You've done nothing but show me your true colors without ever even having to meet you. Thank you for that. Now at least I know I don't even need to waste my time.