His Second Letter.....

Tammy,

I realize that I'm not going to be able to know how much I've hurt you. If I could take that pain away from you, I would give up anything to do that. You are not ugly. You are not worthless. You are the most incredible person to EVER walk into my life. I allowed myself to become infatuated with someone else. It is because of NOTHING that you did. You deserve the absolute best of me, and for the last month and a half you got the absolute worst of me. I cannot express to you how sorry that I am for everything that I did to you, and all of the pain I am causing you to feel. You absolutely gave me everything. You did absolutely everything for me. I violated you in the worst possible way. I own all of it. I truely and deeply apologize. There is no way to tell you how sorry that I am, and to show you that I wish that I could.

I will not say anymore how awful I feel. I wanted you to know so you could have some idea to how sorry I am. But I have no right to put that on you. I was in no way attempting to make you feel guilty about the way that you feel. You have every right to despise me. I did feel guilty the entire time. That should have been enough to stop my actions. Now, I am fully and completely aware of what I did has done to us. I should've realized it then. I took you and our relationship completely for granted. There is no end to the amount of regret I carry with me.

I know that because of what I did, my words carry no meaning at all. I know that you have no trust in me at all. That is a consequence of what I've done. I accept that. However, I love you SO much, despite what I did might say. I will do whatever it takes to get through this with you if you decide to give me another chance. I understand that it's a difficult decision for you. I understand that deciding to continue with me is the much more difficult path to walk. I know it is asking so much of you when I have no place to ask it. I'm asking, though, if you would take another chance on me. I will go to counseling for my issues with being so dependant on that kind of attention. I will go to counseling with you. I will delete all of the contacts on Yahoo! and block all of them, and delete it from the computer. I will provide full access to every account I have for your to inspect any time you feel the slightest bit of doubt. I will sit with you and delete any contact on Myspace that you do not feel comfortable with. I will only use MySpace IM at work to communicate with you. I will change my cell phone number and only give it to people you're okay with having it. I will not go to a strip club again without you. If Mike and I go out alone, it will only be to places you don't mind me going to. I will not get jealous over any guy friends that you have. I will, with this paycheck, buy a ring and wear it to symbolize and remind me constantly of all these promises I am making you, and to symbolize the goal of one day being your husband. And I will go to church on the weekends and become active there again.

I have been such a terrible personto you over the last month and a half. I'm going to pour all of my energy into becoming a MAN, whether you decide to stay with me, or whether you decide to tell me to go. I want so badly to hold you again, to rub your back at night and play with your hair, to laugh with you, to whack you for license plates (I let a Maryland plate go on the way home from work), to cheer with you, to lift you up when you're down, to BE with you, to be a family with you again. All I can do is tell you how sorry I am for what I've done, VOW to you to change everything, and to ask you, again, to forgive me and move on through this with me. Please, Tammy, forgive me and let me become the man that you deserve by your side.

Love,
JD