So we came to Baltimore, together. We're here to visit with his Grandmother, who has brain cancer and isn't doing so well. While I'm here I want to do some sight seeing, especially in D.C. so I can see the monuments, and the White House, and all that fun stuff.
Things have been pretty good between us. His family is awesome. Well, most of his family anyway. I wish that I could say his Mother and Step-Father were half as awesome as his Father and Step-Mother. It would have been nice if they had at least given me half a chance before making up their minds about me.
There's been a few things that have popped up while we're here that have kind of bugged me. Like when I received a text message from a close family friend that asked if I was going to leave him here and he got all upset about it, saying that person doesn't know him, and that it wasn't a nice thing to say. I tried to explain to him that it's a close family friend that knows about what happened between us, and was just making a smart-ass comment. He reiterated that it wasn't a nice thing to say, at which point I snapped and remarked that what he did wasn't a nice thing to do to me. It just kind seemed like he didn't really get it. He's been getting overly jealous of people that he knows I'm good friends with, nothing more. We had talked about it before coming here, when we thought I was still going to be going to Vegas. We had agreed that until I left for Vegas that I wouldn't spend so much time talking to them, and that I would be paying him more attention so it was easier for him to accept that I would be going to Vegas without him. Then the plan changed and we both came to Baltimore. Somehow he expected the plan to stay the same. I haven't really been talking to them that much, but when I do send or receive the occasional text message he gets all moody and jealous. And it's honestly just a little too much for me to deal with at times. But I'm here in Baltimore to enjoy myself and get myself away from all of that, so I am trying like hell to ignore it and relax and just enjoy my little "vacation".
Then he's been pressuring me for sex while we're here, which I am NOT comfortable with AT ALL. We're staying in his step-mom and dad's house, sleeping on his brothers bed, in a tiny little house, with no doors on the bedrooms. And he wants to have sex with his little brother asleep in the next room and his parents in the next room over. I'm NOT comfortable with that at all, and he doesn't seem to get it. It annoys me. (Don't get me wrong, this is very lovely home!! It's just a lot smaller than what I'm used to in Alaska. Then again, we don't have even half he population of Baltimore, and we have a lot more land area, so we don't have the need to pack people in!)
I dunno. I just wanna make it through this week without losing my mind, or going off on him. Please let me make it.
October 30, 2007
October 22, 2007
My decision has been made....
I honestly love this man. What he did to me caused me more pain than I've ever felt in my life, short of being cut off from my children for those two years that their father took them from me. But the fact remains that I love this man. And despite his mistake, I know that he loves me just as much.
Many wouldn't be able to understand my decision to stay with him and try to work past this. Many wouldn't be able to understand my decision to try and forgive him for this. Many will never understand the absolute remorse I see in his eyes when he looks at me. No one will ever understand the love that stands between us, holding us together, even through something like this.
I've come to see who my absolute true friends are with this. Those that truly love me and truly care for me have all stated the same thing over and over again. "No matter what you decide to do, no matter how you decide to handle this, we love you, and all that we want is for you to be happy, and if this is what you feel is going to be best for you, we support your decision to the end." That's not to say that there aren't a LOT of people out there that aren't angry as hell at him for this, but because of their love for me, they are going to make the effort alongside me to move past this and forgive.
No matter what some people's opinion may be, I know that this is right. For me to be able to move so easily back into our normal life's, after facing the unbearable pain of being without this man, this absolute love of my life, to be able to forgive him for his transgressions, and I do mean fully forgive him, speaks loud and clear to my soul.
Like it or leave it, we stand together. We do simply come as a package. You will NOT find one without the other. When a family member is sick and needs us, you will find us there together. We are here to support each other through the tough times, to hold each other up through hard times, and to rejoice together during the happy times.
Simply put, I love this man. Accept it or not, it will not change my mind. Throw as much as you like at us, for together through the storms we will only emerge stronger. Keep piling it on me Lord, my back will always be strong enough to carry whatever load you've asked me to carry.
October 16, 2007
His Second Letter.....
Tammy,
I realize that I'm not going to be able to know how much I've hurt you. If I could take that pain away from you, I would give up anything to do that. You are not ugly. You are not worthless. You are the most incredible person to EVER walk into my life. I allowed myself to become infatuated with someone else. It is because of NOTHING that you did. You deserve the absolute best of me, and for the last month and a half you got the absolute worst of me. I cannot express to you how sorry that I am for everything that I did to you, and all of the pain I am causing you to feel. You absolutely gave me everything. You did absolutely everything for me. I violated you in the worst possible way. I own all of it. I truely and deeply apologize. There is no way to tell you how sorry that I am, and to show you that I wish that I could.
I will not say anymore how awful I feel. I wanted you to know so you could have some idea to how sorry I am. But I have no right to put that on you. I was in no way attempting to make you feel guilty about the way that you feel. You have every right to despise me. I did feel guilty the entire time. That should have been enough to stop my actions. Now, I am fully and completely aware of what I did has done to us. I should've realized it then. I took you and our relationship completely for granted. There is no end to the amount of regret I carry with me.
I know that because of what I did, my words carry no meaning at all. I know that you have no trust in me at all. That is a consequence of what I've done. I accept that. However, I love you SO much, despite what I did might say. I will do whatever it takes to get through this with you if you decide to give me another chance. I understand that it's a difficult decision for you. I understand that deciding to continue with me is the much more difficult path to walk. I know it is asking so much of you when I have no place to ask it. I'm asking, though, if you would take another chance on me. I will go to counseling for my issues with being so dependant on that kind of attention. I will go to counseling with you. I will delete all of the contacts on Yahoo! and block all of them, and delete it from the computer. I will provide full access to every account I have for your to inspect any time you feel the slightest bit of doubt. I will sit with you and delete any contact on Myspace that you do not feel comfortable with. I will only use MySpace IM at work to communicate with you. I will change my cell phone number and only give it to people you're okay with having it. I will not go to a strip club again without you. If Mike and I go out alone, it will only be to places you don't mind me going to. I will not get jealous over any guy friends that you have. I will, with this paycheck, buy a ring and wear it to symbolize and remind me constantly of all these promises I am making you, and to symbolize the goal of one day being your husband. And I will go to church on the weekends and become active there again.
I have been such a terrible personto you over the last month and a half. I'm going to pour all of my energy into becoming a MAN, whether you decide to stay with me, or whether you decide to tell me to go. I want so badly to hold you again, to rub your back at night and play with your hair, to laugh with you, to whack you for license plates (I let a Maryland plate go on the way home from work), to cheer with you, to lift you up when you're down, to BE with you, to be a family with you again. All I can do is tell you how sorry I am for what I've done, VOW to you to change everything, and to ask you, again, to forgive me and move on through this with me. Please, Tammy, forgive me and let me become the man that you deserve by your side.
Love,
JD
I realize that I'm not going to be able to know how much I've hurt you. If I could take that pain away from you, I would give up anything to do that. You are not ugly. You are not worthless. You are the most incredible person to EVER walk into my life. I allowed myself to become infatuated with someone else. It is because of NOTHING that you did. You deserve the absolute best of me, and for the last month and a half you got the absolute worst of me. I cannot express to you how sorry that I am for everything that I did to you, and all of the pain I am causing you to feel. You absolutely gave me everything. You did absolutely everything for me. I violated you in the worst possible way. I own all of it. I truely and deeply apologize. There is no way to tell you how sorry that I am, and to show you that I wish that I could.
I will not say anymore how awful I feel. I wanted you to know so you could have some idea to how sorry I am. But I have no right to put that on you. I was in no way attempting to make you feel guilty about the way that you feel. You have every right to despise me. I did feel guilty the entire time. That should have been enough to stop my actions. Now, I am fully and completely aware of what I did has done to us. I should've realized it then. I took you and our relationship completely for granted. There is no end to the amount of regret I carry with me.
I know that because of what I did, my words carry no meaning at all. I know that you have no trust in me at all. That is a consequence of what I've done. I accept that. However, I love you SO much, despite what I did might say. I will do whatever it takes to get through this with you if you decide to give me another chance. I understand that it's a difficult decision for you. I understand that deciding to continue with me is the much more difficult path to walk. I know it is asking so much of you when I have no place to ask it. I'm asking, though, if you would take another chance on me. I will go to counseling for my issues with being so dependant on that kind of attention. I will go to counseling with you. I will delete all of the contacts on Yahoo! and block all of them, and delete it from the computer. I will provide full access to every account I have for your to inspect any time you feel the slightest bit of doubt. I will sit with you and delete any contact on Myspace that you do not feel comfortable with. I will only use MySpace IM at work to communicate with you. I will change my cell phone number and only give it to people you're okay with having it. I will not go to a strip club again without you. If Mike and I go out alone, it will only be to places you don't mind me going to. I will not get jealous over any guy friends that you have. I will, with this paycheck, buy a ring and wear it to symbolize and remind me constantly of all these promises I am making you, and to symbolize the goal of one day being your husband. And I will go to church on the weekends and become active there again.
I have been such a terrible personto you over the last month and a half. I'm going to pour all of my energy into becoming a MAN, whether you decide to stay with me, or whether you decide to tell me to go. I want so badly to hold you again, to rub your back at night and play with your hair, to laugh with you, to whack you for license plates (I let a Maryland plate go on the way home from work), to cheer with you, to lift you up when you're down, to BE with you, to be a family with you again. All I can do is tell you how sorry I am for what I've done, VOW to you to change everything, and to ask you, again, to forgive me and move on through this with me. Please, Tammy, forgive me and let me become the man that you deserve by your side.
Love,
JD
My Response To The First Letter.....
You're absolutely right when you say you've caused me more pain than I can express to you. You have absolutely NO idea what you've done to me!
Because of you, I can't sleep in my own bed. Because of you, I can't sit in my own bedroom. Because of you, I now feel completely uncomfortable in my own home. I feel dirty and used. I feel worthless. I feel ugly.
I loved you so deeply. I gave you everything I possibly could have. I did everything I could for you! I opened up not only my heart, but my home, my life, and my FAMILY to you, and you betrayed that. I brought you into my children's lives. And you betrayed that. You have violated me in such a way that goes above and beyond rape.
It makes me angry to hear you say how awful you feel, it makes my blood boil when you sit there and get down on yourself. You have absolutely NO right to tell me how awful YOU feel! You didn't feel that bad about it when you were so actively persuing another woman!! You didn't feel so bad when you were trying to get another woman to have sex with you! You didn't feel so bad when you were lying to me about EVERYTHING!! I don't doubt that you may have felt some guilt about it, but you sure as hell didn't feel THAT bad about it, otherwise you never would have continued with it!!
I feel so fucking lost right now. I don't know what to think, or how to feel. I love you SO much!!I was going to get my tubes untied just for you. I was going to pay for your damn divorce just so we could get married.
You have no idea of what kind of conflict is raging inside me!! I want to work with you on this and try to get past it, but I have NO trust in you now! I can't look at you. I want you to wrap your arms around me and comfort me, but the thought of you touching me absolutely repulses me right now.
I desperately need some time away from you to figure out what I need, what I want to do now. But because I'm a fucking doormat, too compassionate of a fucking person, I won't kick you out of the house. I know that you have NO WHERE to go, no where to stay, and I am a much better person that one that would throw you out on the streets to live in your broken down car.
I AM the bigger person in all of this.
Because of you, I can't sleep in my own bed. Because of you, I can't sit in my own bedroom. Because of you, I now feel completely uncomfortable in my own home. I feel dirty and used. I feel worthless. I feel ugly.
I loved you so deeply. I gave you everything I possibly could have. I did everything I could for you! I opened up not only my heart, but my home, my life, and my FAMILY to you, and you betrayed that. I brought you into my children's lives. And you betrayed that. You have violated me in such a way that goes above and beyond rape.
It makes me angry to hear you say how awful you feel, it makes my blood boil when you sit there and get down on yourself. You have absolutely NO right to tell me how awful YOU feel! You didn't feel that bad about it when you were so actively persuing another woman!! You didn't feel so bad when you were trying to get another woman to have sex with you! You didn't feel so bad when you were lying to me about EVERYTHING!! I don't doubt that you may have felt some guilt about it, but you sure as hell didn't feel THAT bad about it, otherwise you never would have continued with it!!
I feel so fucking lost right now. I don't know what to think, or how to feel. I love you SO much!!I was going to get my tubes untied just for you. I was going to pay for your damn divorce just so we could get married.
You have no idea of what kind of conflict is raging inside me!! I want to work with you on this and try to get past it, but I have NO trust in you now! I can't look at you. I want you to wrap your arms around me and comfort me, but the thought of you touching me absolutely repulses me right now.
I desperately need some time away from you to figure out what I need, what I want to do now. But because I'm a fucking doormat, too compassionate of a fucking person, I won't kick you out of the house. I know that you have NO WHERE to go, no where to stay, and I am a much better person that one that would throw you out on the streets to live in your broken down car.
I AM the bigger person in all of this.
The First Letter From Him....
Tammy,
I don't even know where to begin. I know that my actions over the last couple of weeks has crushed and hurt you in ways you can't even express to me. Sorry doesn't begin to ease that, but I cannot express how sorry I am to you. And it's not an "I'm sorry I got caught". I'm sorry for the pain I've caused you and the damage I've done to a relationship we've spent the last 7 months building.
I know you don't care at all about how I feel right now, but I feel worthless, pathetic, destructive, disgusted... all rolled into one. I've become my fucking father. This is the shit my dad has done in his relationships and here I am making the same mistake. You deserve so much more than what I've given to you the last month and a half. I'm sorry I was too weak to be the man you deserve.
Right now it's so fucking hard living with myself knowing the pain that I've caused you. I would so much rather not exist than live with the knowledge of what I've done to you. I feel so dead inside. I'm so fucking lost and empty without you, and I never EVER should taken that for granted. I absolutely do not deserve you. I did you so wrong in so many ways, and I deserve absolutely nothing.
I realize that it's going to take a long time to get things back to being right, if you decide to give me that chance at all. I will do whatever if takes to help both of us move past the awful, disgusting things I've done. I am truely begging for your forgiveness, though I know I don't deserve it. I want nothing more in the world than to be able to hold you again and be close you. Whatever it takes, I'll do it. I accept full responsibility for what I did, and I'm pleading for you to forgive me and truely move on with me beyond this. I know I'm asking a lot. I'm probably asking for too much. But I'm asking you because I love you. I made a terrible, extreme mistake. I would give anything to take it back. I would give anything to make you happy and smile. I would give anything to hold you and rub your back and play with your hair. I took you for granted and I am so completely sorry for everything I've done and every bit of pain I've made you feel. I wish I could take it all away.
I love you, and you absolutely mean everything to me, despite what my actions have shown you lately. Please give me another chance to show you that you are my everything.
Love,
JD
I don't even know where to begin. I know that my actions over the last couple of weeks has crushed and hurt you in ways you can't even express to me. Sorry doesn't begin to ease that, but I cannot express how sorry I am to you. And it's not an "I'm sorry I got caught". I'm sorry for the pain I've caused you and the damage I've done to a relationship we've spent the last 7 months building.
I know you don't care at all about how I feel right now, but I feel worthless, pathetic, destructive, disgusted... all rolled into one. I've become my fucking father. This is the shit my dad has done in his relationships and here I am making the same mistake. You deserve so much more than what I've given to you the last month and a half. I'm sorry I was too weak to be the man you deserve.
Right now it's so fucking hard living with myself knowing the pain that I've caused you. I would so much rather not exist than live with the knowledge of what I've done to you. I feel so dead inside. I'm so fucking lost and empty without you, and I never EVER should taken that for granted. I absolutely do not deserve you. I did you so wrong in so many ways, and I deserve absolutely nothing.
I realize that it's going to take a long time to get things back to being right, if you decide to give me that chance at all. I will do whatever if takes to help both of us move past the awful, disgusting things I've done. I am truely begging for your forgiveness, though I know I don't deserve it. I want nothing more in the world than to be able to hold you again and be close you. Whatever it takes, I'll do it. I accept full responsibility for what I did, and I'm pleading for you to forgive me and truely move on with me beyond this. I know I'm asking a lot. I'm probably asking for too much. But I'm asking you because I love you. I made a terrible, extreme mistake. I would give anything to take it back. I would give anything to make you happy and smile. I would give anything to hold you and rub your back and play with your hair. I took you for granted and I am so completely sorry for everything I've done and every bit of pain I've made you feel. I wish I could take it all away.
I love you, and you absolutely mean everything to me, despite what my actions have shown you lately. Please give me another chance to show you that you are my everything.
Love,
JD
I'm Lost.....
I don't even know where to begin here.
I thought he loved me. I thought he was perfect. I thought that what we had could possibly be the kind of thing to last.
I guess I was wrong. Again.
I guess the only real difference in this one, is that I am actually having a hard time with making the decision of wether or not we are going to try and move past this, or just end the relationship. Anytime in the past if this had happened, there would be no question of wether or not I would end the relationship. He would be gone after doing that to me. Especially on this kind of a level. Especially after violating the sacred area that is my home, my bedroom, my bed.
I do not want to be the doormat. I've worked very hard to become this independant, strong woman that everyone sees today. I was the meek, hidden, scared little housewife at one point. I was the neglected partner, the woman who turned a blind eye to her husbands infidelities. Never again will I be that woman. Never again will I so easily forgive the eagerness to cause me so much pain.
I am having such a hard time wrapping my head around this one. How could this have happened? I gave him everything I had. I gave him all of me. I gave him everything he wanted. I did everything for him. I practically worshipped the damn ground he walked on. Wait..... Is this what it feels like for all those nice guys out there? You know, the ones that are honestly GOOD guys? The ones that get dumped by women all the time because they're "boring"? Is that what I'm the equivalent to? I'm sitting here thinking about it, and I've always wondered how so many guys could leave me and go back to their crazy psycho ex's. Is there some unknown excitment to be found in a nagging, bitchy woman?
It's so hard to make this kind of decision. I have to ask myself if it's really worth the pain. Is it going to be worth all the pain to sit here and try and move past the hurt, the betrayal, the mistrust. Because it would be SO easy for my to just say I'm done, we're done, and move on. The pain would go away so much faster that way. But at the same time, I have to sit here and ask myself if our entire relationship has been that false. Because I know that I what I felt was so genuine, so pure, and so unlike anything I've experienced in the past. I have to ask myself if I can truely forgive him and move on and try to make this work. Because if I find that I can't forgive him for this, it really isn't going to be fair to either one of us to waste our time trying to make something work that is only going to wind up making both of us miserable for an extended amount of time. And I know damn well that I deserve to be happy, for once in my damn life, I deserve to be fucking happy!!
What makes it even harder is the fact that pretty much everyone I know is telling me that I just need to be done with him and move on. Suddenly, all the guys that had been respecting our relationship and keeping an eye on me from a distance are coming out of nowhere. I have to admit that I do like the attention, but I also realize that it's only because I'm hurt, and my self-esteem has been shot to shit again. I really don't want to do the whole rebound thing, those never go good. It's just hard because I swear all of my TRUE friends are just as shocked that this happened, and it's very much like every single one of them is feeling the betrayal just as deeply as I am. One of my great friends actually said something profound to me, and I have to say that it stunned the hell out of me. She said "You already gave him your heart, don't give him your pain." Wow. These are my friends. My REAL friends. I would have nothing if I didn't have these wonderful, amazing, people in my life.
I'm just so damn confused. I do love him. Still. But it breaks my heart so much when I think about what he did to me, and how easily he was able to do it. The lies came out like air. The stolen moments away from me, they were so easy for him to arrange. I honestly feel dirty. I can't help but think that there were other women, and it makes me feel like I honestly need to go see my doctor and get an exam to make sure that I'm still the healthy person that I was when we first started dating. He can tell me until he's blue in the face that there weren't any other women, that he's never cheated before, but I can't bring myself to believe that. I just can't let go of the fact that he handled himself like a pro, covering his tracks so well. Lying to me so easily. Coming up with stories so easily. His biggest mistake was that he did it with someone that I had considered a friend. Someone that I actually spent time with. Somebody that I thought I knew. The betrayal level goes so much deeper with that. I was betrayed on both ends. The person you usually turn to in a situation like this is your friends, and when you find out that one of your friends did something like this to you, it just deepens that pain.
I can't help but think that this is all for the best. I have never been able to let go of my optimistic attitude about everything, despite everything that's happened to me in my life. Raped and molested as a very young child, abused physically, sexually, and emotionally by my first husband, raped several times as a young adult, abandoned by my second husband, and so on and so on and so much more.... I've still never been able to let go of my positive attitude. That which does not kill me will only make me stronger, and trust me, at this point I'm one hell of a damn fighter.
I've always firmly believed that everything happens for a reason, and though I might not yet know what the reason is for this, I know that there is one. I have a serious lesson to learn in all this, as does he. What it is, I haven't yet figured out. But I will. I figure this is why we continuously were getting turned down for every house we applied for. It would have been awful to have signed a lease and then find out about this once we were locked into a lease together. I've already extended myself out there enough to have to go through that ugly mess.
I thought he loved me. I thought he was perfect. I thought that what we had could possibly be the kind of thing to last.
I guess I was wrong. Again.
I guess the only real difference in this one, is that I am actually having a hard time with making the decision of wether or not we are going to try and move past this, or just end the relationship. Anytime in the past if this had happened, there would be no question of wether or not I would end the relationship. He would be gone after doing that to me. Especially on this kind of a level. Especially after violating the sacred area that is my home, my bedroom, my bed.
I do not want to be the doormat. I've worked very hard to become this independant, strong woman that everyone sees today. I was the meek, hidden, scared little housewife at one point. I was the neglected partner, the woman who turned a blind eye to her husbands infidelities. Never again will I be that woman. Never again will I so easily forgive the eagerness to cause me so much pain.
I am having such a hard time wrapping my head around this one. How could this have happened? I gave him everything I had. I gave him all of me. I gave him everything he wanted. I did everything for him. I practically worshipped the damn ground he walked on. Wait..... Is this what it feels like for all those nice guys out there? You know, the ones that are honestly GOOD guys? The ones that get dumped by women all the time because they're "boring"? Is that what I'm the equivalent to? I'm sitting here thinking about it, and I've always wondered how so many guys could leave me and go back to their crazy psycho ex's. Is there some unknown excitment to be found in a nagging, bitchy woman?
It's so hard to make this kind of decision. I have to ask myself if it's really worth the pain. Is it going to be worth all the pain to sit here and try and move past the hurt, the betrayal, the mistrust. Because it would be SO easy for my to just say I'm done, we're done, and move on. The pain would go away so much faster that way. But at the same time, I have to sit here and ask myself if our entire relationship has been that false. Because I know that I what I felt was so genuine, so pure, and so unlike anything I've experienced in the past. I have to ask myself if I can truely forgive him and move on and try to make this work. Because if I find that I can't forgive him for this, it really isn't going to be fair to either one of us to waste our time trying to make something work that is only going to wind up making both of us miserable for an extended amount of time. And I know damn well that I deserve to be happy, for once in my damn life, I deserve to be fucking happy!!
What makes it even harder is the fact that pretty much everyone I know is telling me that I just need to be done with him and move on. Suddenly, all the guys that had been respecting our relationship and keeping an eye on me from a distance are coming out of nowhere. I have to admit that I do like the attention, but I also realize that it's only because I'm hurt, and my self-esteem has been shot to shit again. I really don't want to do the whole rebound thing, those never go good. It's just hard because I swear all of my TRUE friends are just as shocked that this happened, and it's very much like every single one of them is feeling the betrayal just as deeply as I am. One of my great friends actually said something profound to me, and I have to say that it stunned the hell out of me. She said "You already gave him your heart, don't give him your pain." Wow. These are my friends. My REAL friends. I would have nothing if I didn't have these wonderful, amazing, people in my life.
I'm just so damn confused. I do love him. Still. But it breaks my heart so much when I think about what he did to me, and how easily he was able to do it. The lies came out like air. The stolen moments away from me, they were so easy for him to arrange. I honestly feel dirty. I can't help but think that there were other women, and it makes me feel like I honestly need to go see my doctor and get an exam to make sure that I'm still the healthy person that I was when we first started dating. He can tell me until he's blue in the face that there weren't any other women, that he's never cheated before, but I can't bring myself to believe that. I just can't let go of the fact that he handled himself like a pro, covering his tracks so well. Lying to me so easily. Coming up with stories so easily. His biggest mistake was that he did it with someone that I had considered a friend. Someone that I actually spent time with. Somebody that I thought I knew. The betrayal level goes so much deeper with that. I was betrayed on both ends. The person you usually turn to in a situation like this is your friends, and when you find out that one of your friends did something like this to you, it just deepens that pain.
I can't help but think that this is all for the best. I have never been able to let go of my optimistic attitude about everything, despite everything that's happened to me in my life. Raped and molested as a very young child, abused physically, sexually, and emotionally by my first husband, raped several times as a young adult, abandoned by my second husband, and so on and so on and so much more.... I've still never been able to let go of my positive attitude. That which does not kill me will only make me stronger, and trust me, at this point I'm one hell of a damn fighter.
I've always firmly believed that everything happens for a reason, and though I might not yet know what the reason is for this, I know that there is one. I have a serious lesson to learn in all this, as does he. What it is, I haven't yet figured out. But I will. I figure this is why we continuously were getting turned down for every house we applied for. It would have been awful to have signed a lease and then find out about this once we were locked into a lease together. I've already extended myself out there enough to have to go through that ugly mess.
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